I don't like to get philosophical on here because this blog is about the horses, and not my personal life...but personal tragedies on two levels have greatly affected the last day and a half, and human suffering has been a huge whirlwind subject in my mind. My faith in our Lord is strong, and absolute, but my understanding of losing loved ones (human and animal) is one of those things that trips me up. I can explain a lot of things away, and for the things I can't, my faith keeps my resolve strong...but when it comes to losing those which we love so much, I can't reason, and even my faith seems to waver a bit. Not my faith in God Himself, but my faith in this life, my faith in joy.
I don't want to delve far into this, at all. I just needed to write it down. And the thing is, there ISN'T an answer, or an explanation for why things happen. No one has it. No amount of kind words or inspirational thinking or positive energy can make it "okay", reconcile it in my brain and in my heart.
*sigh* in other news...I had a crummy flat school on the Pop Star today, which is not my ideal prep for our CT tomorrow...but I'm chalking it up to me being exhausted and sore in my back (from my mid morning gallop on Ardy!). Sometimes I just get on and know I won't be on my "A" game. This was one of those days. I just stopped trying to ride through it and took him home...it wasn't his fault and we were getting very frustrated with one another. Poor munchkin. Hopefully I can actually sleep tonight and be a better rider for him tomorrow. I really, really want to improve our dressage score tomorrow. I want a good, forward, light test. I'm carrying a whip with me and using it if I need to.
Keep your fingers crossed for us. I don't care about ribbons, I just want to feel like our excellent work at home is actually being utilized in the ring.
Also...Edward had his first ride on U.S. soil today!
Yay! What a smart little man. I adore him.
Wish us luck tomorrow...I'm hoping to have someone film my test and my SJ round. Have a great Friday night, everyone!